If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
