When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
