just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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