All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
