He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
