I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
