Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
