is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
