I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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