Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
