Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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