Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
