Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
