im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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