Sponge bath it is.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
