At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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