be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
