Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
