he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
