You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
