i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
