I want to make a zoo with you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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