yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
