i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
