Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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