I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
