woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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