Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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