I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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