Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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