so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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