Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
