All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
