Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?

Fav 7 2026 921
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(214): View more from Texas

It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

Fav 19 5724 1769
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(353): View more from

I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing

Fav 41 5893 2099
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(352): View more from Florida

She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"

Fav 16 2229 5288
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(289): View more from Ontario

You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

Fav 14 3543 1039
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Hows that studying goin for you?

(1-505): View more from New Mexico

I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil

Fav 5 2162 960
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(773): View more from Illinois

Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day

Fav 5 1082 1796
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(210): View more from Texas

Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.

Fav 3 1108 588
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(785): View more from Kansas

Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.

Fav 0 47 10
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