3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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