Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
