im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm jealous of your bromance
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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