Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Acid is not a monday night drug
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
