You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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