it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
