It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
