capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
