I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
