Hey man sorry I got all grabby
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
