I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
