Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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