Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
