did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
