i think i have two assholes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
