I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
