i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
